


you don't have to say i love you (to say i love you)

by kritiquer



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Carry On Countdown 2018, Fluff, M/M, another entry for coc18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:02:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22137505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kritiquer/pseuds/kritiquer
Summary: And he knows--for of course he does--that Baz would never hold it against him for not saying it yet. But the words still sting every time they roll off Baz’s tongue, effortless and heavenly.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	you don't have to say i love you (to say i love you)

_ I love you  _

Simon can’t say it at first; the words are etched in every crevice of his mind but sticking to the sides of his throat, suffocating him in guilt. He doesn’t know why, he’s loved Baz before he even realized it, before it took a raging fire for his feelings to surface. And he knows--for of course he does--that Baz would never hold it against him for not saying it yet. But the words still sting every time they roll off Baz’s tongue, effortless and heavenly. 

“Simon?” 

“Yeah, darling?” 

Baz looks up from his textbook, his eyes shadowed. Simon can’t remember the last time Baz had slept for more than five hours, and frowns slightly. 

“Go to sleep, I have to finish my paper.” 

“I thought you finished it yesterday.” 

“I don’t know what I was thinking when I wrote it yesterday. Utter rubbish, all of it.” 

Simon knows he can’t convince Baz to take a break, much less a nap, so he simply gets up and heads to the kitchen. A few minutes later, he returns with two steaming mugs of tea and a couple mint aero bars. If he can’t convince Baz to rest, the least he can do is make sure he’s comfortable. 

*

He doesn’t hear it at first; the muffled cries coming from the living room. Baz’s pillow is cold and Simon gets up dizzily, nearly tripping in his haste to get to the door. He finds Baz curled up near an unlit fireplace, his face blotchy with tears. 

He’s shaking when Simon reaches him, and Simon lights up the fire place. The flames dance in Baz’s eyes, a remnant of a familiar scene. It breaks Simon’s resolve, and he slowly runs his hands over Baz’s arms, letting him ease into Simon’s arms. They stay like that till the early hours of the morning, till Baz’s tears soften to light snores. 

He has an interview, and in an odd turn of events, hasn’t touched his breakfast. Baz watches him intently as he fumbles with his tie. 

“Here, love, let me,” Baz takes the crumpled tie and adjusts it against Simon’s collar, his fingers brushing against Simon’s neck. 

Baz spend the whole sleep-less night comforting and encouraging him, but Simon’s nerves turn icy as he watches the clock tick closer and closer to his interview. 

“You’ve got this, you absolute nightmare.” 

Simon’s eyes widen slightly, and he’s said it before he can stop himself. A small smile crosses Baz’s face, and his eyes shine with recognition. 

_ He knew all along.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :) i'm sourcherrysconess on tumblr, come say hi!


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